KansasFest Dos and Don’ts

Back in 2004, Sean Fahey provided this list of KansasFest dos and don’ts. Consider it your guide to KansasFest etiquette.

  1. Don’t go out to IHOP or Denny’s before midnight, or after 8:00 AM (or anytime when there’s sunlight for that matter). It just isn’t natural. You’re more likely to get wet, sloppy kisses on the forehead from drunk older women at night.
  2. Don’t mention Planet of the Apes (PotA) out loud in any form, including “Planet Der Affen“. Sheppy will go ape, and it’s not pretty… “beware the apes of wrath.”
  3. Do enter HackFest! Your “Hello World” program written in Applesoft BASIC may be more complete and functional than anything Jeff Blakeney has written lately.
  4. Don’t say “yes” if Ken Gagne offers to show you a movie he’s appeared in. Politely decline and then run, don’t walk, as fast as you can back to the dorm.
  5. Don’t play with fire. Don’t play with fire. Don’t play with fire. Jeri….
  6. Don’t skip Avila breakfasts. Remember: that which doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.
  7. Don’t skip Avila lunches. Remember: that which didn’t kill you during breakfast is entitled to a second chance.
  8. Don’t start programming Taipan for Spectrum unless you intend to finish it.
  9. Do plan on staying up late. Most of the fun and more embarrassing highlights of KFest happen AFTER the mature, responsible types have gone to bed. Remember: sleep is for the weak.
  10. Do wire hack Billy Bass and Furbys together. Evil, annoying experiments like this are truly appreciated at KFest.
  11. Don’t eat the Krispy Kreme donuts. Very unhealthy for you…. and it means more donuts for those of us who know better.
  12. Do bring your friends to KFest. Especially the paying ones.
  13. Don’t install upgrades to the Syndicomm server when EVERYONE with root and/or physical access to the reset switch are hundreds of miles away attending KFest.
  14. Do play “Bite the Bag” but don’t use your chin as a braking skid on the carpet.
  15. Do eat at the KFest Kookout — Kirk Mitchell hasn’t killed anyone yet. Not even the vegans.
  16. Don’t look directly at Ryan’s shorts. The KFest Committee cannot be held liable for eye injuries or loss of depth perception.
  17. Do go to the Surplus Exchange to find old Apple hardware. The $5.00 you spend to buy a box full of drives is good for the local economy. Really!

Note: Avila University was host to KansasFest before the event moved to nearby Rockhurst University in 2005, where the food was found to be marginally superior.